Please Read These Books: Death and Dying
![]()
October 17, 2024
Reading does not come as easy to me as it once did, before puberty. The conditions have to be right, the text has to be interesting, and my time has to be ample. Not only that but your brain has to be a specific kind of strong, in a muscle way. Trying to read- even text messages, during a period of brain fog is impossible. Despite that all, I can say: it’s been a long, still uphill, road but it is getting to a point of enjoyment. To be able to say I’ve completed multiple novels (short ones) in a year, for me, is amazing and braggable. To achieve this level of Annoying Intellectual is something I thought was only available in my dreams. I’d felt banished to the Movie Snob conversations for far too long.
Reading does not come as easy to me as it once did, before puberty. The conditions have to be right, the text has to be interesting, and my time has to be ample. Not only that but your brain has to be a specific kind of strong, in a muscle way. Trying to read- even text messages, during a period of brain fog is impossible. Despite that all, I can say: it’s been a long, still uphill, road but it is getting to a point of enjoyment. To be able to say I’ve completed multiple novels (short ones) in a year, for me, is amazing and braggable. To achieve this level of Annoying Intellectual is something I thought was only available in my dreams. I’d felt banished to the Movie Snob conversations for far too long.
So, Hey Reader,
I feel it is important to note that such feats would not be possible without the help of a few particularly good reads. Some of which I read long ago by requirement but that have stuck with me long enough to inspire a reread. Before I introduce you to the first (of three) books I’d like to recommend, I have to propose the theme of my selection: Death and Dying! Yay! Get excited, I bring to you 3 non-fiction novels written in relation to the end-of-life stages and mortality of man! They have not only helped me process my own grief, but also illustrated what the ends of our lives could look like- in a world where people gave a shit. What could be better?
This first book I read in college, probably. It’s called tuesdays with Morrie, it’s written by a once college student, now sports writer and broadcaster (Mitch Albom) about his old college professor, Morrie. Mitch catches wind of his teacher’s terminal illness and reaches out to catch up with him. They were very close back-in-the-day and this phone call sparks a connection that could not be ignored by Mitch, so he begins traveling across states to visit his friend every Tuesday. twM (tuesdays with Morrie) chronicles their relationship up until this point, all of the lessons along the way, and then catches you up in real time with Morrie as he’s dying. You can imagine there are plenty of lessons there too, it seems to be everyone’s first time watching this process happen. Written to help Morrie and his family with the medical debt incurred by his disease, this book has found its way into a lot of classrooms, Morrie afterall was Sociology professor, he still has a lot of lessons to teach!
Next on the docket is Being Mortal which is similarly focused on end-of-life, especially for the old and ill, but from a higher birds-eye-view of the reality for most of us. BM (Being Mortal) is specifically about the highly medicalized culture Americans have built around the dead and dying. Written by a surgeon (Atul Gawande) grieving his own father’s death from aggressive illness, he studies the -mostly negative- effects of putting our dying in the hospital. The previous recommendation is definitely a lighter read, I’m glad I read it before the rest, as a primer. This book, while enjoyable and well written, is most certainly a downer. What else can you expect from non-fiction, fact-based passages packaged with personal anecdotes about old sick people that remind you of your most ancient family?
Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End explores nursing homes, care programs for the dying like hospice, and cultural differences between practices in the East and the West. It was entirely fascinating, every page, and I found the story telling very digestible and easy to read (important for me). Not to mention the way it felt like preparation for when me, and my loved one’s, who inevitably cannot take care of themselves anymore. His writing illustrates a vivid image of millions of people, in America, well into their 80s, 90s, and beyond, relying on heavy machinery and around-the-clock care. Relying on the paid help of nurses and staff in nursing homes and other assisted living facilities, entering the hospital often, losing strength and time every time they do, and counting down the miserable days until their bodies give out for good. There is a point where your quality of life is diminished to a point of no return, where you will not be able to get back to doing the things you love and you’re just alive, not living. Too many elderly are dying alone in hospitals or medicalized nursing homes, in pain, fighting death, instead of passing at home, surrounded by loved-ones, in their own bed. It’s not something I want for myself, my family, or anyone for that matter, I certainly do not want it to be the standard end for everyone.
As the book will tell you, someone is at risk to die this way when an individual and their remaining family are unprepared for the loss in abilities and increasing dependence of an aging or dying person. It is inevitable with extreme age that someone may need help doing normal things they could do alone before. Our bodies are not always in sync with our minds, and even having adult children does not- and should not- guarantee free or ample caretaking. A dependent is a dependent, and a dependent is a lot of additional time and labor that not everyone can piece into their lives, no matter how much they love their family. Consider cooking, cleaning, bathing, exercising, therapizing, and chauffeuring your elderly parent to doctor's appointments and social events (to keep them active), it’s a full time job, forget about if they have a disability requiring specialized care. Point being, this book showed me the path I’m likely to follow and exactly how to defy it. I cannot recommend it enough for the ways it made me think about my life and the lives of my family, how it showed me there are Good ways to die, if we must. Thank you Lindsay for the recommendation, it changed everything!
The perfect follow up to Being Mortal is a book that was in part inspired by the previous: The Lost Art of Dying. If BM is about how people are dying in modern times, TLAoD is about how people have died up until now. Expanding on more spiritual, philosophical, historical, and cultural questions, it is the reality check that people used to die well and they can do it again. Truly an ever interesting guide to ending your life in a way that keeps your integrity, your safety, and your autonomy intact. You cannot die well if you have not lived well and this book will absolutely teach you how to do both. The Lost Art of Dying: Reviving Forgotten Wisdom is written by another doctor (Lydia S. Dugdale M.D.) writing from her experience working in hospitals, specifically with the terminally ill, or dying. Less focused on the elderly, TLAoD is an all ages approach, anyone can die and anyone can die well.
This book outlines how to ensure your spirit and body are safe for transition into beyond. How to have your priorities straight, your ducks in a row, and how to go out with a loving fizzle, not a bang. Many of our grandparents are literally and metaphorically rotting in nursing homes right now, I know my only surviving one is, others are literally and metaphorically rotting in hospitals, being further disabled from their “treatments” and extended stays. I am confident, since reading these stories, that I can avoid this fate for myself and those closest to me. I am confident I will not fear my transition to another potential place. I am confident I have a plan for when the day comes that I have to reevaluate my circumstances, and boy does it feel good to be prepared.
Recent years have taught me the hard way that death does not discriminate, it is not only for the old, and illness does not care who you will leave behind. Anyone of us could be chosen next to suffer an early and potentially painful end. Sincerely, I hope that we are all equipped to handle our own mortality when the time comes to face it. There was a time when we were all reminded that the end is inevitable, before people became desensitized to the dramatization of death, there is still value in many of those lessons. It’s the universal human experience, we all live and we all die, why don’t we talk about it earnestly anymore?
There is a world where the cold medicalization of our modern care falls out of fashion, but it does not happen naturally, it will require great efforts. Stronger family connections, affordable or universal healthcare, respect for the old and dying, these are all possible- but we must make them possible!
Borrow these books from a friend or your friendly local library!
Thank you for wasting your precious minutes on this writing, I wish you a swift death and long funeral…
See you on the other side.
-LK
![]()
![]()
![]()
I feel it is important to note that such feats would not be possible without the help of a few particularly good reads. Some of which I read long ago by requirement but that have stuck with me long enough to inspire a reread. Before I introduce you to the first (of three) books I’d like to recommend, I have to propose the theme of my selection: Death and Dying! Yay! Get excited, I bring to you 3 non-fiction novels written in relation to the end-of-life stages and mortality of man! They have not only helped me process my own grief, but also illustrated what the ends of our lives could look like- in a world where people gave a shit. What could be better?
This first book I read in college, probably. It’s called tuesdays with Morrie, it’s written by a once college student, now sports writer and broadcaster (Mitch Albom) about his old college professor, Morrie. Mitch catches wind of his teacher’s terminal illness and reaches out to catch up with him. They were very close back-in-the-day and this phone call sparks a connection that could not be ignored by Mitch, so he begins traveling across states to visit his friend every Tuesday. twM (tuesdays with Morrie) chronicles their relationship up until this point, all of the lessons along the way, and then catches you up in real time with Morrie as he’s dying. You can imagine there are plenty of lessons there too, it seems to be everyone’s first time watching this process happen. Written to help Morrie and his family with the medical debt incurred by his disease, this book has found its way into a lot of classrooms, Morrie afterall was Sociology professor, he still has a lot of lessons to teach!
Next on the docket is Being Mortal which is similarly focused on end-of-life, especially for the old and ill, but from a higher birds-eye-view of the reality for most of us. BM (Being Mortal) is specifically about the highly medicalized culture Americans have built around the dead and dying. Written by a surgeon (Atul Gawande) grieving his own father’s death from aggressive illness, he studies the -mostly negative- effects of putting our dying in the hospital. The previous recommendation is definitely a lighter read, I’m glad I read it before the rest, as a primer. This book, while enjoyable and well written, is most certainly a downer. What else can you expect from non-fiction, fact-based passages packaged with personal anecdotes about old sick people that remind you of your most ancient family?
Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End explores nursing homes, care programs for the dying like hospice, and cultural differences between practices in the East and the West. It was entirely fascinating, every page, and I found the story telling very digestible and easy to read (important for me). Not to mention the way it felt like preparation for when me, and my loved one’s, who inevitably cannot take care of themselves anymore. His writing illustrates a vivid image of millions of people, in America, well into their 80s, 90s, and beyond, relying on heavy machinery and around-the-clock care. Relying on the paid help of nurses and staff in nursing homes and other assisted living facilities, entering the hospital often, losing strength and time every time they do, and counting down the miserable days until their bodies give out for good. There is a point where your quality of life is diminished to a point of no return, where you will not be able to get back to doing the things you love and you’re just alive, not living. Too many elderly are dying alone in hospitals or medicalized nursing homes, in pain, fighting death, instead of passing at home, surrounded by loved-ones, in their own bed. It’s not something I want for myself, my family, or anyone for that matter, I certainly do not want it to be the standard end for everyone.
As the book will tell you, someone is at risk to die this way when an individual and their remaining family are unprepared for the loss in abilities and increasing dependence of an aging or dying person. It is inevitable with extreme age that someone may need help doing normal things they could do alone before. Our bodies are not always in sync with our minds, and even having adult children does not- and should not- guarantee free or ample caretaking. A dependent is a dependent, and a dependent is a lot of additional time and labor that not everyone can piece into their lives, no matter how much they love their family. Consider cooking, cleaning, bathing, exercising, therapizing, and chauffeuring your elderly parent to doctor's appointments and social events (to keep them active), it’s a full time job, forget about if they have a disability requiring specialized care. Point being, this book showed me the path I’m likely to follow and exactly how to defy it. I cannot recommend it enough for the ways it made me think about my life and the lives of my family, how it showed me there are Good ways to die, if we must. Thank you Lindsay for the recommendation, it changed everything!
The perfect follow up to Being Mortal is a book that was in part inspired by the previous: The Lost Art of Dying. If BM is about how people are dying in modern times, TLAoD is about how people have died up until now. Expanding on more spiritual, philosophical, historical, and cultural questions, it is the reality check that people used to die well and they can do it again. Truly an ever interesting guide to ending your life in a way that keeps your integrity, your safety, and your autonomy intact. You cannot die well if you have not lived well and this book will absolutely teach you how to do both. The Lost Art of Dying: Reviving Forgotten Wisdom is written by another doctor (Lydia S. Dugdale M.D.) writing from her experience working in hospitals, specifically with the terminally ill, or dying. Less focused on the elderly, TLAoD is an all ages approach, anyone can die and anyone can die well.
This book outlines how to ensure your spirit and body are safe for transition into beyond. How to have your priorities straight, your ducks in a row, and how to go out with a loving fizzle, not a bang. Many of our grandparents are literally and metaphorically rotting in nursing homes right now, I know my only surviving one is, others are literally and metaphorically rotting in hospitals, being further disabled from their “treatments” and extended stays. I am confident, since reading these stories, that I can avoid this fate for myself and those closest to me. I am confident I will not fear my transition to another potential place. I am confident I have a plan for when the day comes that I have to reevaluate my circumstances, and boy does it feel good to be prepared.
Recent years have taught me the hard way that death does not discriminate, it is not only for the old, and illness does not care who you will leave behind. Anyone of us could be chosen next to suffer an early and potentially painful end. Sincerely, I hope that we are all equipped to handle our own mortality when the time comes to face it. There was a time when we were all reminded that the end is inevitable, before people became desensitized to the dramatization of death, there is still value in many of those lessons. It’s the universal human experience, we all live and we all die, why don’t we talk about it earnestly anymore?
There is a world where the cold medicalization of our modern care falls out of fashion, but it does not happen naturally, it will require great efforts. Stronger family connections, affordable or universal healthcare, respect for the old and dying, these are all possible- but we must make them possible!
Borrow these books from a friend or your friendly local library!
Thank you for wasting your precious minutes on this writing, I wish you a swift death and long funeral…
See you on the other side.
-LK
